Think of a time a colleague asked you, “What’s wrong?” and you responded, “Nothing.” 

Were you OK, or did you respond that way even though there was a list of work-related things weighing on you? 

When a colleague asks you whether something is bothering you, you may not want to acknowledge the challenges that you are facing. But if we don’t address the nothing in time, it can compound into other issues.

Even if you consider the issues to be small compared to other things happening around you, those small issues could turn into walls that make you feel disconnected from work and the people around you. Let’s say you feel your supervisor doesn’t seriously consider your suggestions. If you don’t address that underlying issue (respectfully, of course), you may feel undervalued, ignored or perpetually overlooked when you make suggestions and then placated by leaders who tacitly agree with you but don’t act on the concerns you’ve raised.

“Research confirms that our desire to feel seen, heard, and recognized is fundamentally human,” according to a 2022 write-up in Harvard Business Review. “As a species, we’ve evolved to place enormous value on our relative roles and relationships to other group members. Not feeling valued for your contributions or sensing that your value isn’t acknowledged by others in your group activates the stress response and feels like a threat.”    

I’ve heard people mention feeling burned out, tired, overwhelmed and numb as a result of work. But those feelings can come from something other than just being overloaded with too much work. The combination of having things you need to express at work and realizing that you do not have an outlet to do so can cause those feelings and ideas. When you don’t have an outlet to express your feelings and ideas, you may feel isolated and lonely at work. 

Whether you feel comfortable talking to a colleague who noticed something is bothering you can hinge on your relationship with that person. For us to engage in honest, candid communication with someone, we must feel it is safe to share our ideas and concerns with that person.

Relationships must be nurtured to merit more than surface-level responses to questions. Start a cordial conversation with a colleague with no expectations other than to listen and demonstrate that you value their perspectives on a topic. If your effort doesn’t get them talking right away, share what’s going on with you, but be sure to check back in on that person within a few days. Building relationships to the point where we can candidly share our thoughts may take time.

People who feel valued, heard and respected engage very differently. They are willing to share, participate meaningfully and show up. Meaningful relationships and feeling valued at work can alleviate the sense of loneliness and isolation.

If “nothing” is your constant refrain when colleagues try to engage with you, then I encourage you to consider the following:

1. Reset: Take time to reflect and identify the root causes of what is bothering you.  Seek ways to resolve the issues with a fresh perspective. If you have ever attended a class or workshop of mine, you’ve probably heard me say that when you change the way you look at things, you can change what you see.  
2. Connect: Actively try to create a strong connection with someone you can talk to about challenges. Identify two to three ways that you can make or re-establish a connection with someone. Sometimes it’s necessary to make yourself seen rather than waiting to be seen. Maybe you can volunteer to assist on a project team or serve on a committee with someone you have enjoyed working with before. Invite a colleague to lunch and talk about anything but work. If the weather permits, take a 10-minute walk with a colleague to chat or schedule a 15-minute walking meeting.

If you don’t think engaging with a colleague is the right step for you, consider seeking professional assistance.

• The NC State Faculty & Staff Ombuds Office may be able to help you think through your situation, provide additional resources that could help you and develop options for moving forward.
• If you feel like a challenge at work is affecting your mental health, consider the following options:
  • The Faculty and Staff Assistance Program offers a variety of support resources, including for mental health.
  • The State Health Plan offers mental health resources for its members.
  • The BetterYou app provides free mental wellness resources for staff and faculty.
  • The NC State Counseling Center has a list of mental health resources on its website.

When your goals and viewpoints are consistent with your priorities and goals at work, it helps you feel a greater sense of value and self-worth and reduces feelings of isolation and burnout. Taking some time to recalibrate these things can help you feel reenergized and ready to reengage. Being part of the Pack means we are here for one another. It’s imperative that we don’t continue to ignore the something that hides in nothing.